Big Funny Jokes

Today me and my friend where standing in line at a local lunch restaurant, waiting to place our orders. I noticed a rather big sign, hanging over the counter. It read, “No bills larger than $20 will be accepted.”
Now, the woman in front of us, pointed at the sign and said aloud, to the cashier, [...]

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker.
After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, “You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure that if she doesn’t like the diamond [...]

This was this guy, walking down the street when he spot a little boy, wearing a red firefighters hat while he is sitting in a red wagon, pulled very slowly by a large dog.
As he got closer, he noticed that the kid was holding a rope which was tied to the dog’s testicles, explaining [...]

A man is waiting for his wife to give birth, to his first baby. The doctor comes in, nods his head and informs the new father that his son was born without torso, arms or legs, his son is just a head!
Nevertheless, the dad loves his son and raises him as well as [...]

Here is another, spot what’s wrong with this picture. Maybe you must click on it, to enlarge it, to really see what’s wrong with. I promise you, when you find it, you will be starting to think…

Dear Sirs,
I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the three dependents I claimed on my 1996 Federal Tax return. Thank you. I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They are evil and expensive!
It’s only fair, since they are minors and not my responsbility, that the [...]

A man went on a plane with six kids. It took a while for him to get them all into their respective seats and settled in. When the man was done a lady, across the aisle leaned over and asked him,
“Are all of those kids yours?”
The man looked quietly on the woman for a second, [...]

An married couple has just gone to bed, when the old man farts and says, “Seven Points.”
His wife rolls over, looks at her husband and says, “What in the world was that?”
The old man replies, with a smile, “Its fart football, honey”
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie score.”
After [...]

A small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial, an elderly woman.
He approached the old woman and asked, “Mrs. Jones, do you know me?”
She responded, “Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I’ve known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you’ve been a big disappointment to [...]

With all the new technology regarding fertility, a 75-year-old woman was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
“May we see the new baby?” they asked one.
“Not yet,” said the mother. “I’ll make coffee and we can have a chat for a while first, [...]